A Debt To Repay
by annie.of.the.sun
Summary: I didnt want the last book to end, so i just kept going. written from Dimitri's POV, cos i want to see what's happening in that dude's head. hoping to clear up a few loose ends. ive bot a baisic plot in my head, but im open to sugestions.
1. Chapter 1 Selfcontroll

Chapter 1

Self control

The crowd began to cheer as soon as the heavy double doors were opened. The noise was deafening to me, and I knew that to Vasilisa's moroi ears, which were even more sensitive than my own dhampir ones, the noise must be completely overwhelming. I saw her hesitate, just for a second, as the sound crashed over us. Then she pulled the confident queenly attitude she had worn through most of the coronation back into place like a mask. Anyone who didn't know her well wouldn't have noticed that tiny moment of insecurity, but Christian had. He moved his arm slightly, stretching his fingers out to touch the back of her hand in a discrete gesture of support.

In full queen mode now, Lissa nodded to Joseph and Luka, her forward guardians, and they stepped out ahead of her and split off, one left and one right, to scan the balcony. Seconds later, two 'all clear's came through the earpieces. Uri, the senior royal guard, gave a nod, and Her Royal Majesty Queen Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir stepped out to greet her people.

My training took over, and I switched to guardian mode. We moved in structured, choreographed formation. Christian, or rather, lord Ozera, walked Vasilisa's right hand side, while the newly titled Princess Jillian Mastrano-Dragomir. Jill had yet to be assigned her official guardians, so two of the royal guards stood in as her temporary guardians. Once he was officially and publicly engaged to lissa, Christian would also be assigned a second guardian, but for now he had one. Me.

We took our positions. The three moroi were lined up along the stone banister, waving to the huge crowd. Luka and Joseph stood at either end of the wide balcony, and the other royal guards lined up behind us. As the only females on the royal guard, rose and Serena were Lissa's near guardians, standing close behind her. Serena stood behind the gap between lissa and Jill, with Daniel, one of Jill's temporary's, on her left side. I stood behind Christian's right shoulder, and next to me, behind the gap between lissa and Christian, stood Rose.

She stood stiffly, carefully. She was healing rapidly, but she hadn't fully recovered yet. She really shouldn't have been on duty today. She should be in bed, resting. She was so stubborn.

Thinking of her bed, of course, made me think of being with her _in _bed. Suddenly it was a struggle to keep my eyes on the crowd, scanning for any possible threat. My eyes wanted to look at her. My arms wanted to wrap themselves around her, holding her to me. My mouth wanted to fall on those perfect rosebud lips and kiss her and kiss her. My hands wanted to let her hair down from the twist behind her head and weave themselves through it, caressing her shoulders, making their way down across her full chest and flat stomach, around her hips to her round...

_Snap out of it, Belikov! Focus!_

With strength of will I didn't know I possessed, I managed to keep my eyes, and other parts of my anatomy, away from the goddess standing less than a foot from me. This was a familiar battle, though it wasn't usually this difficult. A battle I was used to fighting. All those moments at Saint Vladimir's, the touches, the stolen kisses. I had fought to stay in control, to not let the situation escalate. Others had seen my intense focus as an unwavering dedication to duty, never realizing it was mostly a way to cover my desperate attempt at self control. Rose, of course, had seen right through me, and had done everything in her power to undermine that control. Eventually, she had broken me.

Before I could stop it, my mind span back to that time in the cabin, so long ago. The feel of her soft skin beneath my hands, the depth of trust and love in her eyes as she opened herself to me for the first time, the way her fingers had dug into my back as she'd clung to me for dear life, her voice, gasping my name...

_What the hell are you doing? FOCUS, GAURDIAN!_

I dragged my mind back to the task at hand. The crowd was still cheering its queen, who was still waving and smiling dutifully. Jill's smile was more forced; she looked like she wished she was somewhere, anywhere else. Christian just looked bored. I remembered how much he hated pageantry, and thought he probably wanted this over with almost as much as I did,

Beside me, rose shifted her weight, and she sucked air between her teeth in a hiss. My eyes snapped to her, for a brand new reason. During our time as fugitives, I had come to rely on her supernatural senses as an early warning system. Such a reaction could mean she sensed strigoi presence, or had seen a dead spirit. Or perhaps she had simply seen some mundane threat that I had missed. Not impossible, considering my distracted state of mind. But no, her body wasn't crouching, readying to attack or leap in front of lissa. Her eyes were shut, her face clenched, her shoulders and back rigid. She was in pain.

_My Roza was in pain!_

The realization was like a knife in my stomach. My hands went to reach for her of their own accord, and I just barely stoped them. It took everything I had not to scoop her into my arms and run her to the nearest hospital. How could I just stand here when Rosa was suffering?

Thankfully, I wasn't the only one who had noticed. Lisa had had her full attention on her subjects, but Christian had heard the tiny noise, and turned. He glanced at rose, his eyes widening slightly, and he taped Lissa's shoulder.

As lissa looked at Rose, Rose's eyes opened. They locked gazes. And I could see determination blazing in Roza's eyes as she tried to wipe all trace of pain from her expression. Her shallow, pained breathing and stiff stance gave her away. Lissa reached a hand toward rose. Rose shook her head, and the reaching hand paused. Rose tipped her head towards the massed moroi and dhampirs in the courtyard, and her message was clear. _You can't heal me right now. You have to be their queen. That's more important. _For a moment, I thought lissa was going to heal her anyway, but then she looked at me.

"Guardian Belikov. Please take guardian Hathaway to the hospital immediately. And keep her there until I, personally, say otherwise."

"Yes, majesty" I said, bowing to her. Beside me, rose mirrored the movement, a whimper escaping her lips. The knife in my stomach twisted. We straightened, and turned towards to doors. Rose's steps were unsteady, but I knew better than to try to help. I had seen it in her face as she had her wordless conversation with her best friend. The entire world was watching, and she was determined not to show any weakness.

As soon as we were through the doors and out of sight, rose collapsed against me. In that same second, I lifted her into my arms and set off, I wasn't quite running, but it was a close thing. The members of the coronation party who had remained inside gasped as I hurried through them. In seconds, Janine and Abe Muzar were either side of me.

"What's wrong with her?" They asked in perfect, panicked unison that would have made me laugh in other circumstances. These two were not the most conventional parents, but in moments like this, they were almost comically stereotypical.

"I don't know" I looked down at rose. She had her eyes closed again, both hands rested on a spot at the bottom edge of her ribcage, just left of centre. That was where one of the two bullets had torn through her body.

"It's ok. I think I... " She gasped and grimaced in pain, and started over. "I think I popped a stitch or something"

I moved faster, Janine and Abe keeping pace with me. Whenever we came to a door, Janine would dart ahead to open it. We took the back street, and made it to the medical centre in minutes. I didn't speak until rose was on the slender white gurney, with a moroi in green scrubs tugging up her shirt. When I saw the red stain spreading beneath her skin, I said something entirely untranslatable.


	2. Chapter 2 Healing

Chapter 2

Healing

I waited in the hard plastic chair, my eyes fixed on rose's sleeping form. Everything since arriving at the hospital had been a blur. The doctors had whisked rose of to surgery within minutes of our arrival. One had returned and spoken to us for a few minutes, using words like trauma and internal haemorrhaging. My grasp on Russian medical terminology was sketchy at best. In English, I stood no hope. It sounded like rose had done too much too soon, and had done damage to something that hadn't healed properly. I was able to gauge, however, that her life wasn't in danger. My mind had clung to that bit of knowledge like a life raft. Rose had come out of surgery and had been put in the ICU little more than half an hour later. Janine had left returning to her duty guarding lord Szelsky, and Abe had gone to report to Vasilisa. We had been told the anaesthetic should wear off in a few hours. That was two hours and twelve minutes ago.

Like it had so often in the last few days, a sequence of sounds and images replayed themselves in my head. I saw the panic and desperation in Tasha's eyes. I saw rose launch herself away from me, towards Lissa. I heard the crack of the gun. I saw rose jerk unnaturally as the shots hit her body. I saw her falling. I heard lissa screaming for help. I saw rose on the floor in Lissa's arms, bright scarlet blood staining the princesses dress, pooling on the white marble floor.

I was dragged from my waking nightmare when someone sat beside me. Someone who smelled strongly of stale alcohol and clove cigarettes.

Adrian Ivashkov.

I hadn't seen him since our return to court. I knew he had tried to get in to see rose about a dozen times in the first two days. Once he had left intensive care, he had seen her once, just long enough to see she was still alive. Once she had woken, however, he had disappeared. Rose had told me he had visited her yesterday. When she had spoken of it, her face had filled with sadness and regret. I knew the conversation hadn't gone well. By the smell of him, he had probably spent some portion of the last 24 hours passed out in a bar somewhere.

When I had told rose that I liked and respected Adrian, I had meant it. He was a good man, and I owed him for helping us escape court, as well as for taking care of Rose when I... didn't.

What I hadn't mentioned to her was how much I resented him. I resented his power and influence, that he could look after her in ways that were beyond me. He was a pathway to a better life for her. I burned with jealousy every time she smiled at him; I saw red when he made her laugh. What I hated the most was that I couldn't hate him for it. I knew he was genuine in the way he felt about her. I couldn't hate him for loving her. I knew from personal experience how impossible it was not to love her.

It had been easier before, when I hadn't liked him. Believeing he was a good for nothing royal playboy meant I was justified in wanting to keep him away from Rose. I was protecting her from someone who was just going to use her and dump her. But I knew now that wasn't true.

I also knew that if she had chosen him, I would have had to do the right thing. I would have let him have her, and I would have never let her know how much that killed me. Because in many ways, he _was _a better choice for her.

"So, I heard a couple of interesting rumours." He said with his trademark nonchalance. "Someone said Rose mouthed off at our new queen during the ceremony, and you were ordered to drag her away and lock her up. Then I got told you were seen running away from the palace, carrying her dead body." He leaned back in his seat, crossing his ankles. "Obviously, she's not dead. Want to fill me in?"

I shoved my resentment aside. He didn't deserve it. Even if he did, this wasn't the time.

"She did too much too soon. Put too much stress on her wounds without giving herself enough time to heal. Tore one of her internal stiches."

He snorted. "That's Rose."

I nodded, my eyes returning to Rose. "She thinks she's indestructible."

"She's not."

"I know."

We sat in silence, staring at the girl we were both in love with.

After about ten minutes, Adrian rose to his feet and walked around the gurney to stand on the other side of Rose. He stared down at her sleeping face for a moment, and then reached out and pulled the blanket aside.

I was on my feet in an instant. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I hissed.

"Relax, Belikov." He said without looking away from her. He pulled aside the hospital gown to reveal the gauze dressing fixed to her torso. "I'm like an honorary doctor nowadays. Besides, it's not like I haven't seen her naked before"

White hot rage burned in my head for a split second, and vanished when Adrian peeled back the dressing.

A new line of stiches, slightly longer than the ones they had replaced, ran parallel to the tip of her eighth rib. The skin around it was swollen, mottled with dark purple bruising. The whole area of the wound was easily as big as my splayed hand.

"She'll be fine." I said, more to myself than to Adrian. I had almost forgotten he was there. That knife was back, twisting in my stomach. I felt sick. "The doctors said she'll be fine in a week or so. She just needs to rest and recover. She'll heal. She'll be fine." I was distantly aware that I was rambling.

"Yeah, she'll be fine. Her aura's strong. She's already healing herself" Adrian's voice was rough. He lowered the dressing and pulled her gown back into place. "How long do you think you can keep her here this time?"

I half smiled. "Long enough. Her Majesty's direct orders. She's forbidden to leave until the queen herself says otherwise."

Adrian gave a shaky laugh as he tucked Rose's blanket back into place. "Keep an eye on her. She has a history of disobeying queens."

I started. With everything else, I had forgotten how close Adrian had been to Tatiana. She was his family, his favourite aunt. Her death must have been hard on him.

"I'm sorry." I said. He looked up at me, confused. His hand hovered over Rose's wound, fingertips just brushing the blanket. I elaborated. "About your aunt. I'm sorry. I don't think I ever said..."

"Don't be. You didn't kill her." His tone was dark. Grief and anger twisted his expression. "Your ex-girlfriend did that" he turned away sharply, stalking towards the door. He paused for a second at the threshold, his face softening slightly. "When she wakes up, tell her... tell her I said 'get well soon.'" With that, he left

I stared after him for a moment, different emotions struggling for dominance in my head. The old jealousy and resentment was there, burning stronger after his "naked Rose" comment. This was mixed now with sympathy and sadness, as well as respect. Empathy, too, because I knew what it was like to love Rose and know she belonged to someone else. I was also shocked by the end of our conversation. I hadn't realized my past with Tasha was that well known. It had been years ago. Shaking my head, I turned back to Rose, just in time to see her wake up.

Her eyes opened. Even in the haze left over from the anaesthetic, she still looked alert. Her eyes glanced around quickly, assessing her surroundings, and fell on me. Her lips curled into a warm, sleepy smile, and my heart melted.

I crossed to her and took her hand in mine.

"Sleeping beauty awakens". I whispered. Her smile widened. She recognised the line.

"Are you still my nurse?"

"I'll be whatever you want me to be"

I kissed her. Her lips were warm and soft. Kissing her felt like breathing air after almost drowning. Like the first time I had seen the sun after my restoration. It was like flying and falling and freedom and fireworks. There was no hospital, no Adrian, no Tasha in a cell awaiting trial, no Abe or Janine wanting to 'talk' to me. Just me and her and our love and my relief and the sweetness of the moment.

I pulled back after a moment, laughing as she clung to my neck, trying to hold me there.

"Oh no, you don't. You need rest."

"Didn't stop you last night." She said, pouting

"You weren't fresh from surgery last night. Are you in pain?"

She shook her head. "No, I feel fine." She looked down at her body. "So, what's the damage?"

I shook my head at her blasé attitude. The fingertips of my free hand trailed over the spot above the dressing. "You tore the internal stiches, got blood in your lung, and had to be cut open again to fix you up." I looked back at her face, smiling. "I'm forbidden from letting you leave. Direct orders from Lissa."

"Yes I remember." She looked confused. "Are you sure it's that bad? I don't feel anything."

"That's probably the painkillers."

She frowned, and pulled the blankets back from herself. Thinking she was going to try to rise, I went to stop her, but she brushed my hands away irritably. Pulling up her gown she gingerly lifted the gauze. I gasped.

The skin was smooth and unbroken. All traces of the wound or the bruising had disappeared, leaving her light olive skin clear and perfect. The surgical thread from the stitches lay loose on her skin, no longer embedded in her body. I ran my hand over the area, feeling the shape of her lower ribs and firm abdominal muscles.

"Are you sure about that surgery, comrade?" She asked, her voice bemused

"Yes. I saw it. Not two minutes ago. It was bad. Adrian..." I trailed off, realizing the truth.

"Adrian?"

"He was here. He just left. He must have healed you." I felt something new towards Adrian. Gratitude.

She frowned, pulling her gown and blanket back into place.

"Adrian. Even after what I said to him."

"He loves you." The words were hard to say. "I doubt there's much you could do to change that."

"I know." She said sadly. I squeezed her hand.

A knock on the door made me turn. I looked over to see Sonya smiling at us. Mikhail stood behind her.

Hey." She said brightly. "Up for visitors?"

"Of course." Said Rose, sitting up. I didn't even try to stop her. "There's nothing wrong with me"

"Well, I wouldn't say that" said Sonya, peering at her. Her eyes widened in surprise. "But it's not as bad as I would have expected."

I felt Rose would be in good hands for a while. I bent and kissed her on the top of her head. "I'll be back soon." I told her.

"Where are you going?" she asked curiously.

"I have a few things I need to take care of. I won't be long." I looked at her sternly. "Stay here."

"But I'm fine! This is ridiculous."

"I'm just following orders." I told her with a smile. I looked at Sonya and Mikhail. "Don't let her leave"

They nodded.

I left the medical centre with my heart growing heavier every step I took. There was something I needed to do, something I had been putting off. Adrian's words replayed themselves in my mind. _You didn't kill her. Your ex-girlfriend did that. _

I went to see Tasha


	3. Chapter 3 Realizations

**Thanks for the reviews, guys! Encouragement never goes unnoticed, especialy for a dyslexic ditz writing her first V.A. fic.**

**I've spent the last week off sick from work, which is how I've pumped out these chapters. Now that I'm back at work, I'm not gonna have much time. I promise to keep the story going, but I doubt I'll be updating every second day anymore. I'll try not to leave it _too_ long between chapters.**

**Hope you enjoy. Regaurds, Annie.**

Chapter 3

Realizations

The guardian building loomed, grey and boxy and dull-looking, even by American building standards. Aesthetics hadn't been important in its design. Like most things to do with guardians, it was all about practicality.

Once, this had made perfect sense to me. As much as I appreciated fine architecture, I didn't see it as necessary for guardians. What did we really need it for? Our people didn't have the grand balls and high class functions the moroi did. We didn't have royalty. While we had a complicated ranking system based on age, seniority, and reputation, we had no class system. All dhampir's who took the promise mark became guardians, equals. We devoted our lives to the moroi. Guardians didn't live in nice apartments or own houses. We lived with the moroi we were assigned to, or we lived in assigned housing in buildings like this.

Now it annoyed me. Even if we had no choice where we lived, did that really mean we had to live like this? The building wasn't cold and uncomfortable, but it wasn't warm and beautiful and inviting, either. It was...bland. Emotionless. All around me the buildings used by moroi were masterpieces of architecture. Why didn't we deserve some of that same grandeur? Why didn't we deserve beauty?

I made my way into the building. I knew the way to the cells. I had been here several times this year. First with Rose, to speak to victor Dashkov. Then I had been held here myself. I shuddered at the memory of those stark white walls, the way they had seemed to be closing in around me, suffocating me. Mere days after being released, I had fought my way back in here to break Rose out. I had expected to be brought back here after our arrival back at court, at least temporarily, but by some miracle I had been allowed to stay by Rose's side. Under heavy guard, of course.

The guardian at the desk nodded me through. I vaguely recognised him as one of the guardians who had been at the warehouse battle. As I headed down towards the cells, I heard him calling through to the prison guards, telling them I was on my way down.

Tasha was in the same cell Rose and I had inhabited. Seriously, there were 20 cells in this corridor, ten on each side, all identical. What was their fondness for this one? Did someone decide it was the most depressing? Three guardians stood outside it. No, two guardians and one moroi.

Huh?

I recognised him. Tad, one of Abe Muzar's hired associates. His simple, durable looking black clothes and stiff, ready posture matched that of the guardians standing alongside him. If not for his pale skin and lanky build, he could have been one of us. Seeing my curious stare, he grinned at me. I pushed this mystery aside for later.

Tasha Ozera sat cross-legged on the thin bed, hands on her knees, back straight, eyes closed. She appeared to be meditating. Her normally sleek, raven black hair was dishevelled, hanging in tangles over her shoulders. She had a large bruise on the cheekbone of the unscarred side of her face, and both hands bore more bruises, a few of her knuckles split. Her cell was in an even worse state. The walls weren't stark white anymore. They were black. Burn marks covered the entire cell. The sturdy metal bars that made up the front wall were charred and slightly warped. I wondered if the door would even open. I also wondered if anyone had been hurt when she had done this.

As if sensing my arrival, Tasha opened her eyes and looked at me. Her eyebrows rose in surprise, and she smiled.

"Dimka, you came to see me! I didn't know if you would."

The nickname took me back to Russia, to when I first met her. I was sixteen, and Galina, my mentor, had called me that in front of her. I didn't think I had ever felt so humiliated. Lady Natasha Ozera was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was also a royal, visiting from America with her family. And she was giggling at my stupid nickname.

Two years later I had come with all the other new graduates to the royal court. European schools ran on a slightly different timetable to American ones, so our graduation was several weeks later in the year. On the day of our luncheon, word came through that Lucas and Moira Ozera had turned strigoi, and intended to turn their young son, home on holidays. It was one of those rare times when a rescue party was authorized. Partly due to the guardian shortage, and partly as a way to display our skills, the best of the best of the new recruits were selected to come along as backup. I was one of them.

After the fight, when they had carried Tasha from the house, I'd thought for a moment she was dead. But she was awake. She recognized me. _I remember you. Little Dimka..._

I looked at her now, and our entire history from that point flashed between us.

"Hello, Tasha" my voice was emotionless. Honestly, I wasn't sure how I felt about her.

She rose from her place on the bed. Crossing the tiny cell, she pressed herself against the bars, staring at me. The guardians tensed, but held their positions.

"How is Rose?" there was concern in her voice. "You know I didn't mean it, right? It was an accident. I wouldn't do that."

She sounded so sincere. She always did.

"Stop it, Tasha. For once in your life, stop acting"

Surprise and hurt flitted across her face. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend that you care about Rose. You tried to kill her."

"No I didn't!" She shook her head adamantly. "I told you. It was an accident-"

"I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT SHOOTING HER!" I shouted. Abruptly, I was furious. How dare she stand there and pretend she meant my Roza no harm. After what she had done, what she had tried to do. The guardians swiftly stepped in between us. One put his hand on my shoulder, pushing me back. It was a struggle not to shove his arm away. Hell, it was a struggle not to _break_ his arm. I took a deep breath to calm myself, and the guardians backed off.

"I was talking about framing her tor Tatiana's murder. That was no accident. You planned it. You must have spent days planning it. All the while knowing that it carried the death sentence. You also knew that the trial would be rushed through, that they wouldn't investigate too deeply. You hated Tatiana, and you hate Rose. You thought you'd kill two birds with one stone."

"I don't hate Rose." she said quietly, her eyes on the floor. "I like her."

"Stop lying."

Her head snapped up, and there was steel in her gaze. "I'm not lying! I like her and I respect her. I even put in a request for her to be my guardian." I blinked. I hadn't known that.

"Then why?"

She looked down again, refusing to answer.

I took a step closer. The guardians didn't stop me. "Why Rose? Plenty of people hated Tatiana. Why did you have to frame Roza?" I used my pet name for her without thinking.

Tasha's face darkened. She raised her head slowly, her eyes filled with sudden bitterness. "That's why."

"What?" I didn't understand.

"If your too stupid to figure it out, _Dimitri, _then I'm sure as hell not going to tell you" resentment burned in her tone.

And that's when I realized. The resentment, coming so quickly after her saying she liked and respected Rose. Respect and resentment, side by side. It was the way I felt about Adrian. Because he was in love with Rose. And Tasha was in love with me.

How had I not seen this?

Our history together was exactly that. It was history. A fling in the past that neither of us had really expected to go anywhere. Even when she had made her offer last Christmas, there had been no talk of love. It had been about mutual respect, and a chance to team up and try to make a difference, working together to teach any moroi wanted it to defend themselves. Even her offer of bearing my children had been more about producing little guardians than anything else. At least, I thought it was. She had made that offer the same day Rose had kissed me in the gym. My mind had been...elsewhere.

Tasha noticed my realization. Emotion burned in her eyes. Anger, hatred, humiliation. Because she could see I finally understood how she felt, how she had always felt. And she knew I didn't feel the same way. As she glared at me, the anger turned to rage. Burning rage.

Literally.

The fireball flew at me so fast I didn't have time to duck. I barely had time to throw my arms over my head before it hit me. The blaze wrapped around me. The heat was intense. I felt it burn my hands and arms, my ears, the back of my neck, any part of me that was exposed. Something hit me from the side, knocking me to the ground. I rolled, trying to smother the flames. I could feel someone's hands beating out the fire. Then there was water, water everywhere. It rained down on me, putting out the last of the fire, cooling my skin. I rolled onto my back, dropping my arms and gasping. The water filled my mouth and immediately went straight down my windpipe. I rolled on side again, choking and spluttering. Hands grabbed me, pulling me into a sitting position, thumping my back to help me expel the water.

Once I was able to breathe again, I looked up to thank whoever it was. Tad grinned down at me.

"Sorry, buddy, overdid it a bit." He jerked his head towards the cell. "Took me a minute to take her down, and then I looked up and saw you were still burning. I threw a bit too much at you." For a moment, his words made no sense, and then it clicked. He was a water user. That's why he was down here, to use his water magic to put out Tasha's fires.

I looked over at Tasha. She lay in a heap on the floor at the back of her cell, unconscious. She was drenched. The whole cell was drenched. It looked like she had been slammed against the wall with a wave of water.

"Those look nasty." Said tad. He was looking at my arms. The skin on my arms and the back of my hands was red and blistered. They were getting more painful by the second. Raising his own hand, he showered more water over them. I could feel more burns on my neck, ears and the sides of my face, but they didn't feel nearly as bad. So worse than sunburn. I could smell burnt hair.

A first aid kit was found, and my burns were treated with salve. Bandages were wrapped around my arms and hands. It looked like I was wearing long, fingerless gloves. The kit didn't contain any painkillers stronger than ibuprofen.

I walked back to the medical centre, my arms burning, my mind in a daze. I had known Tasha for so long, as long as I had been a guardian. Our relationship, such as it was, had been brief. After the raid on her house, she had stayed for a year with her cousin, Maria Zelkos. Maria was a Zelkos by marriage. Her husband, lord Zelkos, was my first assignment. By the time she had left for Minneapolis, our brief affair had run its course and turned to a close friendship. I divided my small amount of time off between visiting her and flying home to visit my family. And all this time, I had never realised she still wanted more than friendship.

Rose wasn't in her ward. A bit of hunting found her in the cafeteria, making her way through a large plate of potato wedges. I had no idea what had happened to her formal uniform, but somehow she had managed to get her hands on a pair of jeans that almost fit and an off-white sweater that was about ten sizes too big. The neckline hung loose, exposing one shoulder. Her messy, tangled hair was pulled into a low ponytail, and her feet were bare. She was truly breathtaking.

Her face broke into a grin when she saw me. A grin which faded as she noticed my reddened skin and the bandages on my arms.

"Comrade, what the hell happened?"


	4. Chapter 4 Memories and Pillowtalk

Chapter four.

Memories and pillow-talk.

"_Smell that, Belikov? There, on the breeze. Tasty, yeah?"_

_I caught the scent then. Sweet and delicious. The scent of blood and life all humans had, but better, so much better. Stronger, more complex. I breathed it in, savouring it. There was another scent. Almost human, but different. Meatier, somehow. This scent triggered my fight instinct. I sniffed again, looking to Nathan questioningly._

"_The sweet one is moroi. The other one is dhampir. The moroi's guardian, most likely." He leaned against the ally wall, looking at me condescendingly. "Their whole purpose in life is to save their precious masters from becoming our snacks. But of course, you already knew that. You were just as deluded as they are, not so long ago. _

_I glared at him. Bad enough that he had awoken me, bad enough that he held that over me. Why had Galina made this filth my instructor? "What's your point?" _

"_Point? I don't make points. Galina says take you out, get you your first decent kill. Well, that's them. One little guardian should be no match for big, terrifying Dimka." he sneered, his voice dripping sarcasm. I snarled. There's a chance I might have attacked him then, but the sound of footsteps, coupled with an increase in the sweet scents, distracted me. They were coming towards us. _

_I stepped out into the centre of the alley, exposing myself. I could see them then. The rich, silly looking moroi woman walking side by side with her pretty-boy male guardian. They were so wrapped up in each other; I could have sprung at them and killed them both before either of them even noticed. Unlike Nathan, however, I wanted to make a point._

"_Well well well, what do we have here?"_

_Pretty-boy reacted instantly, leaping in front of the woman, silver stake appearing in his hand. He yelled at her to run. Too bad for her it was already too late. I let him raise the stake and step towards me before I attacked. I could see that he was just as fast and just as skilled as any guardian should be, but my powerful new body was so much faster. His moves seemed clumsy, almost sluggish. He stood no chance against me. I danced around him, toying with him. I saw the horror on his face as he realized how hopelessly outmatched he was, and I laughed. Then I reached out and snapped his neck. He fell to the ground, dead. _

**No! This isn't me! Please! I don't want this!**

_The moroi woman screamed. The bitch really was as stupid as she looked. Instead of running, she was cowering against the alley wall. Her wide, horrified eyes were fixed on her dead toy-boy. I walked to her, slowly, taking great pleasure in the smell of her fear. Her eyes switched to me, and she screamed again, the sound filled with terror. I smiled down at her, letting hunger and malice fill my expression. _

**No! Oh, god no! Stop! STOP!**

"_No match indeed." I said for Nathans benefit, before I sank my fangs into her throat._

**NOOO!**

"Dimitri? Dimitri!"

I thrashed in the dark, desperately trying to stop the death, to escape it. Their faces swam in my mind, along with hundreds of other faces from other nights. Dead, all dead, by my hands or on my orders. The eyes of that young guardian in the alley were the clearest. The knowledge in them, the clear and obvious knowledge that he was about to die and that he had failed, because he knew I was going to kill his moroi next.

"_Dimitri!"_

Roza's voice, the one thing that could reach me through my despair. I reached for her blindly, seeking the promise of peace that I had only ever found with her. She pulled me into her arms, and I clung to her, trembling and gasping, burrowing my face in her chest. She was sitting up, cradling my upper body in her lap while my legs sprawled on the bed. She rocked me tenderly, like a child. She was murmuring softly to me, telling me it was over, that everything was all right.

We held each other in the dark for an immeasurable amount of time. Everything wasn't alright, but when I was with her, I could let myself believe that it would be. Her head tipped down towards me, and her long, thick hair fell around me like a curtain, hiding me from my own demons. Slowly, my trembling body calmed and my gasping slowed.

Rose stroked my hair back from my face, wiping sweat from my forehead. "Strigoi dream?" she asked me in a whisper.

I nodded against her chest, not trusting myself to speak yet. I didn't need to. She had always understood my silences just as clearly as my words. She shifted her body, lying back against the pillows, pulling me with her. I lay against her, my head still on her chest. I listened to her heartbeat. It was far steadier than mine.

"I thought you had forgiven yourself." There was no accusation in her voice. Only concern.

It took me a moment to speak.

"I... I have, Roza. I mean, I've accepted that I can't hold myself responsible for what I did as a strigoi. I don't blame myself for it anymore. Truly, I don't. But that doesn't erase my memories. I still remember it all, just as clearly as in those first moments after lissa changed me back. The things I saw, the things I _did. _All those people" I held her tighter, the nightmare flashing before my eyes again. "Knowing it wasn't my fault doesn't change the fact that it happened. I still grieve for them." I told her.

My words dried up. Rose began to stroke my hair again. She seemed to be considering my words. After a while, she spoke.

"With everything that's happened, I forget that it's been just a few weeks since you changed. It feels like it was years ago. A whole lifetime." Her hand stroked rhythmically through the strands. "You need time. To grieve, to come to terms with it. It's ok. Just talk to me. Whenever you need to. Remember that I'm here. You can count on me."

"I already do. More than you can possibly imagine."

Raising her head, she pressed her lips to my hair.

We lay together in the dark, our arms wrapped around each other. The silence around us was filled with acceptance. She was the only person who knew my every weakness, my every flaw. My mind let go of that alley in novorisbirisk, and remembered a different alley, one far closer and more recent. I had killed that night, too, but as a dhampir. It had been my lowest point, my darkest moment since the restoration. It was also the day I had truly started to heal. I had finally opened to her, spilling all my guilt and horror and remorse. Before my change, I had always been the stronger of the two of us, the one who guided her and looked after her. Without my strength, I could be that for her. I wasn't worthy of her anymore. But that night, our roles had reversed. She had strength enough for both of us, and she gave it all to me, leading me out of my despair.

Lissa had restored me, making me a dhampir again. Rose has saved me. Rose made me a man again.

Her hand still stroked my hair. She was singing, very quietly. A soft, wordless tune that stirred something in my memories. I listened for a moment, and words sang in my mind to match the melody.

_...Pridyot serenkiy volchok,  
>On ukhvatit za bochok...<br>_

It was a nursery song from my childhood. A lullaby.

"Where did you learn that?" I asked her.

"Hmmm?"

"That song. Where did you learn it?"

"Oh. It was while I was in Baia. When I stayed with your family. Your sisters and yeva would to sing it to the baby. Your mother didn't seem to like it much, but I do. I like the way it sounds."

"Me too." I shifted my body, moving up the bed to put my head next to hers on the pillow. She turned towards me, her body mirroring mine. Our knees touched. One of her hands held one of mine; the other held the side of my face. My other hand trailed up and down her arm.

"I never learned the words. I couldn't understand them anyway. I just liked the tune. It sounds like the king of song you sing to people you love and want to protect."

My hand kept trailing, drawing random patterns, as I softly sang to her.

"_Bayu-bayushki-bayu,  
>Ne lozhisya na krayu.<br>Pridyot serenkiy volchok,  
>On ukhvatit za bochok<br>I utashchit vo lesok  
>Pod rakitovy kustok."<em>

"What does it mean?"

I chuckled. There was a reason momma didn't like it.

"It doesn't really translate well."

"Please?"

As if I could deny her.

"Hush-a-bye,

Don't lie too near the edge.

Or the little grey wolf will come,

And bite you,

And drag you into the trees,

Under the willow roots."

She was quiet for a moment. "I think I agree with your mother. That's actually horrible."

"It's not as bad as some of the children's songs I've heard here."

"Our songs don't have little kids being dragged off into the forest by wolves"

"No, the babies in your songs fall out of trees, cradle and all." I said, remembering my shock the first time I'd heard a little American girl singing rockabye baby.

"Touché" she said, stifling a yawn.

I glanced at the digital clock. The dimly glowing numbers were the only source of light in the room. It was 3:12 pm. Even though lissa had been to the hospital and released Rose while I had been visiting Tasha, Rose had refused to leave until a doctor had examined and re-dressed the burns on my arms. The sun had been high in the sky by the time we'd made it to bed. And it wasn't like we'd gone to sleep straight away. Her newly healed body had opened up a host of new things we were able to do with each other.

"I'm sorry I woke you"

"Hmmm, don't be. Hearing you sing is better than sleeping any day."

In the dim light, I could just see her face. Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed. Her long grief over me and all the stress and sleepless nights of the last few weeks, plus the trauma of her almost death, had taken their toll. She'd lost weight, and there were deep shadows under her eyes. I gently brushed the hair back from her face, so I could see her more clearly. She sighed contently, nuzzling my hand with her cheek.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes, Roza?"

"How many women have you slept with?"

I blinked, her out of nowhere question catching me off guard. Her eyes were open, watching me.

"Where did that come from?"

"I was just wondering. What you told me last night, about Tasha, and how long ago it was. It occurred to me that you've been at this a lot longer than me. I mean, I already knew that, but I hadn't really thought about it. But now I _am_ thinking about it. And I was just wondering, you know, just how _much_ more experienced are you compared to me."

I stared at her. I was surprised by how..._adorable_ she was when she was self-conscious. She wasn't usually one to babble like this. Rose usually knew exactly what she wanted to say and said it, bluntly. Moments like this were rare.

"You don't have to tell me, not if you don't want too." She said quickly, interpreting my silence as reluctance. Her face was hot where my hand touched it. "It doesn't matter to me, not really. It doesn't change anything between us. Forget I said anything."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. She was being so ridiculous.

"Four. Including you."

"Oh." She processed that for a moment. "Who were they?"

I sighed. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes, I'm sure" she answered, her confidence retuning now that the topic had been broached.

I pondered for a moment, trying to decide exactly what details to share.

"There was a dhampir girl in my senior year. Her name was Zeya. We didn't last very long. She was more interested in moroi guys, really. She was only interested in me because the instructors said I would likely get an important royal assignment. She somehow thought I could be a gateway to high society. She didn't go on to become a guardian." Last I'd heard she was working in a brothel in Baia.

"I kind of assumed Tasha was your first."

I shook my head. "After graduation, I was assigned to lord Zelkos. The raid on Tasha's house, when she was injured, it had all just happened. Tasha was staying with lord and lady Zelkos. She and lady Zelkos were cousins. She came to me, asked me to teach her to fight. She said she didn't want to be a victim anymore. I was...hesitant at first. She was a moroi, a royal. The way I saw the world, she had no place fighting. That's what guardians were for. But you know how stubborn she is. Eventually, she changed my mind."

"How long were you with her?"

"Only a couple of months. I was teaching her for longer, but our...affair didn't start right away. Like I said, she was a royal, and I was only a teenage dhampir. We both struggled with the gulf between us. By the time she left, we were over."

"What happened? Why did she leave?"

"Life happened. Moroi society happened. They had been sympathetic at first, supportive. People had admired her bravery in protecting Christian. But after a year, Tasha's scars were a reminder nobody wanted. They shunned her. Her new guardian was reassigned to someone else. Rumours started to go around about her learning to fight. She decided to leave the Zelkos household on her own before they asked her to leave. She took Christian with her, and went searching for someone who could teach her to fight with magic. Once he went back to school, she dropped off the radar for a while. She never told me, but now I think she may have found one of those "untainted" forest societies"

"Hmmm. I wonder if anyone tried to marry her."

I smiled.

"So that's two. And I'm four. Who were three?"

"Lady Zelkos's guardian. Zoe. We were never actually a couple. It was just a onetime thing, a few years back."

"What happened to her?"

"She was with the Zelkos's when they were killed"

Rose was silent. I had told her once, right back when I had first met her, what had happened to my first assignment. Lord Zelkos had been important enough to warrant two guardians. Karl had been one, with me as the second. He was a seasoned fighter, and I had looked to him as a mentor after Galina had been changed. Karl, Zoe and I had made a formidable team. No one knew how many strigoi they had faced the night they died. Two strigoi corpses were found, along with the drained bodies of lord and lady Zelkos and Karl. Zoe had been taken.

When Rose had started calling me comrade, all those months ago, it had been like vinegar on a fresh wound. Now I wouldn't have it any other way, because with her I had regained that feeling of being part of a team.

"I'm sorry." Rose whispered in the dark. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me. She burrowed against me. It took her a while to speak again. When she did, the direction of her thoughts caught me off guard.

"So..."

"So?"

"In your wealth of experience..."

"Four is hardly a wealth of experience"

"It's more than I've had"

"True." To my knowledge, the only guy she's been with other than me was Adrian, and even then I wasn't actually sure how far they had gone.

"So...how do I stack up?"

I nearly choked. _That's _why she'd brought this up? She was worried about her _performance?_

Bringing my mouth to hers, I kissed her with all the passion and love I had for her. She melted into me. As our lips fused, I again felt that familiar, unbelievable, swooping, mind-blowing rush that came with the knowledge that this incredible goddess was kissing me back. Everywhere that our skin touched along the length of our bodies exploded with fire and electricity. I rolled us so that I was over her, pressing her into the bed. I barely remembered to support some of my weight on my arms, to as not to crush her still-not-quite-recovered body. Her legs wrapped around me, her hands fisting in my hair. I pulled back to gaze at her. In the darkness, her dark eyes were twin pools, filled with excitement and warm promises.

"Rosemarie Hathaway. Being with you is the closest I have ever been to heaven. In all my life, I have never experienced anything that even compares."

I saw surprise and joy in her expression for a split second before her mouth was on mine again. I took her face in my hands as our tongues explored each other hungrily. I trailed my hands down her throat, over her collarbones, to her full breasts. Taking one in each hand, I massaged them gently, flicking the nipples with my thumbs, feeling them harden. She moaned a funny little muffled moan against my mouth that sent a thrill though me.

It almost destroyed me to pull away from her, but I knew I had too. With a groan, I rolled off her and onto my side next to her. She gave a mewling protest, clinging to me, trying to reach my lips with hers. I pressed my forehead to hers, tilting my face so that she couldn't.

"Hey, what gives? Don't you want to go to heaven?" her words were nearly my undoing.

"I do. You have no idea how much I do." I kissed her forehead. "Unfortunately, my own private angel-" I kissed the tip of her nose. "-has to be on a plane in four hours-" I kissed her chin. "-and she's still recovering-" I hissed her cheekbone "-and she needs her rest." I kissed the corner of her mouth. She turned her head to catch my lips, and this time I let her. This kiss was sweet and soft, filled with the flying-falling sensation I loved, yet without the desperate hunger that had filled us a moment ago. I was right, she was exhausted.

After a moment, I moved my lips to her eyes, kissing each of her closed eyelids in turn. She sighed, and nuzzled into me.

"Dimitri?" she murmured sleepily

"Hmmm?"

"I love you."

I smiled, and brushed my lips over hers once more.

"I love you too, my Roza. With everything that I am, I love you."

We fell back to sleep in each other's arms.


	5. Chapter 5  Uncomfortable

Chapter 5

Uncomfortable

The red gold-light of the sunset spilled across the tarmac. The large, luxurious royal jet shone, the light gleaming off its polished chrome surface. Lissa and Christian were locked in each other's arms. This four day trip would be the first time they were separated for any length of time since graduation.

A traditional part of the coronation week, Lissa was making her tour of the country. She would visit Martris, the only other major all vampire city in America, before making an appearance at the largest schools and other moroi dwellings around the country. She even had a short visit scheduled to the alchemist HQ in New York, though that visit wasn't well known about. Her return would kick off a three day festival of music, theatre and parties. She would be making this trip without Christian, because the army of advisors that surrounded her these days had warned her to be careful what message she sent. A queen who was unable to operate without her boyfriend would be incapable of running a country. They hadn't been happy about him standing with her for the coronation, but she _was _the queen, and she had gotten what she wanted. To be honest, I think she'd only given in this time because she knew Christian didn't really want to go anyway.

I met Rose's eyes. Christian staying behind meant I was staying behind. We had accepted this would happen. It was part of having separate assignments. It was still hard. We were on duty right now, and that was the only thing stopping me from sweeping her into my arms and doing a lot more to her than Christian was currently doing to Lissa. But we both had our duty. Protect the moroi. They come first. Besides, we had said our goodbyes in the shower earlier.

At a word from Uri, Lissa and Christian finally broke away from each other. The council members had already boarded the jet. Everyone was waiting on Vasilisa. Christian stepped back, closer to me. Lissa turned, and with Rose and Serena on her flanks, boarded the plane to go and do her own duty. Just before she stepped through the hatch, Rose turned her head and smiled at me, her face full of love. Raising her fingers to her lips, she blew me a goodbye kiss. She shouldn't have done it. It was a breach of protocol. I was so glad she had.

My heart ached watching Rose leave. It felt like she was taking part of me away with her. I stood by Christian, our eyes on the taxiing jet, and I knew he felt the same way. The bond between him and lissa grew stronger every day. I had known Christian for almost as long as I had known Tasha, though with my duties and his schooling we had had very little contact. He had always been prickly and standoffish with me, and with good reason. The first time he had seen me had been the worst day of his life, and I had played a large part in it. I was glad he and Lissa had found each other. Watching his heart open and warm to another person had relieved a long held guilt.

As the plane disappeared into the sky, the people gathered started to disperse. Christian turned towards the palace. He had been given a large suite of rooms in royal housing, one meant for the most elite royals. Which, as boyfriend to the queen, Christian technically now was. I walked next to him. Protocol dictated that I walk one step behind him, flanking him. Christian, however, had been quite adamant that unless it was absolutely necessary for us to look like utter pillocks, I was to completely ignore any and all protocol while guarding him. His words, not mine.

He was quiet all the way back to his rooms. The suite had a short entrance hall, with one door leading to the guardroom, and then opened into a spacious main room with plush leather lounges, a large fireplace, and an antique oak dining table and chairs. From there, doors led to a huge master bedroom, a smaller bedroom, a small but well appointed kitchen, an office and a luxurious bathroom. The master bedroom also had its own en-suite bathroom that was just as lavish.

Christian flopped onto one of the lounges. After a while, he looked over at me.

"You know, you don't have to follow me around 24-7. I doubt I'm going to be attacked in my own rooms."

"You don't know that. I'm your guardian. Staying near you is one of the non-negotiable parts."

"You haven't been shadowing me the whole of the last few days. Just for the official stuff. Let's keep going with that arrangement"

My lips quirked, though I didn't quite smile. I sat down on the lounge opposite him "The last few days you've spent most of your time with Lissa, surrounded by her guardians. My presence hasn't been necessary. Now it is."

"Also, now that your own girlfriend is out of town, you don't have anywhere better to be"

"Not true" I told him, though he had a really good point.

"So you do have somewhere better to be?"

I shook my head. "Beside the point." I'm your guardian. I'll give you your space whenever that's feasible, but at the end of the day I'm responsible for your safety. If you're not surrounded by a contingent of royal guards, then I will be there to protect you."

Christian groaned. His head flopped back onto the lounge.

I studied him for a moment. "Christian. If it makes you this...uncomfortable, having me as your guardian, then why did you agree to it?"

"Mostly, because the arrangement makes Lissa happy. Well, actually it makes Rose happy, and whatever makes Rose happy makes Lissa happy."

He sat up and leaned towards me, his elbows on his knees.

"Look, we both knew this was going to be hard. I'm trying here, I really am. I never expected to have a guardian at all, yet alone you. When I started with Lissa, I knew you were going to be her guardian, and I was learning to deal with seeing you all the time. But now the whole worlds changed and suddenly BAM people are dead and I'm dating a Queen and Aunt Tasha's a batcrap-crazy psycho killer. There's only so much I can handle at once."

He dragged his hand through his hair, exhaling shakily. This was the first time I'd really seen any sign of the stress he was under. Christian, perhaps more than anyone else, had really had every aspect of his entire world turned upside-down. He usually kept it veiled behind a mask of boredom and sarcasm. Lissa was the one good thing that has stayed constant, the only thing he hadn't lost. I think it was mostly for her sake that he worked so hard to keep himself together.

"If it would make things easier for you, I can ask to be reassigned." I offered. I really didn't want to. Any other assignment would mean a lot less time with Rose. But it didn't matter what I wanted. They come first. "You could probably get any guardian you wanted. Put in a request for Eddie, maybe. I don't think he has an assignment yet."

Christian considered it, and then shook his head. "Nah. It would just bring up everything all over again. I'd rather the past stay in the past. Things are tough enough without everyone remembering exactly whose son I am. I'll just...learn to deal, I guess. I should have gotten past this ages ago anyway. Aunt Tasha did. Then again, as I said, batcrap-crazy."

"If there's anything I can do, anyway I can help. Just ask."

He closed his eyes and let his head fall forward. He didn't speak. He sat like that, still as a statue, for so long that I began to think he had fallen asleep. Then he slowly raised it and looked at me.

"There is something... something I've been meaning to ask you for a while now. But it's personal"

"Go ahead." I hoped it wasn't anything like Rose's question last night. Coming from Christian, that would just be weird.

Looked away from me. He seemed to be having trouble finding words. "When... when you were strigoi, did you..." he trailed off, swallowing, and tried again. "I know you don't like talking about it. I just want to know. The people you cared about, before. How did you feel about them?"

I could hear the question he hadn't quite been able to find words for. _Did you still love them? _I knew why he wanted to know that. And as hard as it was for me, I knew I had to tell him what I could.

I took a deep breath.

"The memories were all still there. I knew there were people I loved, people I wanted to be with. But there was nothing behind the knowledge. When... when Rose found me... I knew I wanted her. She and I were supposed to be together. That's how the world was supposed to be. But I didn't really understand why. I couldn't. I couldn't understand love, because I couldn't feel it. I wanted her because I had always wanted her."

Christian was staring at me.

"I think some emotions are tied to the body, and some are tied to the soul. Anger, fear, lust. I could still feel those, because they are body emotions. But others, like guilt and trust and love, they come from the soul. Without my soul, I was incapable of feeling them. I didn't even realize they were missing. I had no concept of them. When Lissa saved me, everything came crashing back. It was... overwhelming." Understatement of the century

Christian was still staring. His eyes swam. For a moment, I thought he was about to start crying. I wondered how long it had been since he had last cried, over anything. Then he blinked, glancing away, and the moment passed.

He got up and went towards the master bedroom. He turned back to look at me.

"I'm gonna go back to bed for a while. Me and Lissa didn't exactly sleep much, and I don't usually get up this early anyway. You can...I don't know. Do what you want. Stay, don't stay. I don't care." He stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

I wandered around the suite for a while, wondering what to do with myself. Eventually I fetched one of my books from the stack I had left in the guardroom and settled into the lounge to read.

Unconsciously, my fingers touched the back of my neck, trailing over my marks. They came to rest on the highest one, my very first _molnija_. I had gotten this mark not long after graduation, before I had been assigned to lord Zelkos.

Rose and I had talked once, about how hard it was to come to terms with your first kill. Even though they didn't have souls, strigoi still looked and acted a lot like the people they had been. My first kill had been Moira Ozera, Christian's mother. I had staked her right in front of him.


	6. Chapter 6 Worried

Chapter 6

Worried

I made it to chapter ten before a knock on the door interrupted me. I glanced up at the clock. It was just after one.

Marking my page, I laid my book aside and crossed to the door. Behind it stood Mia Rinaldi. Mia had grown up a lot in the last year. She was several inches taller, though still a bit short for a moroi, and she had lost the baby-fat on her cheeks. With her wide, deep blue eyes and blonde curls, she still looked like she belonged in an advert for lollipops, but the sharpening of her face at least made her look sixteen rather than eleven. I knew that her growth had been internal as well as external. Gone was the petulant child who had cruelly taunted Lissa and spread vicious rumours about Rose. This Mia had talked guardians into teaching her to fight and even helped Rose steal documents from the guardian archives, according to Lissa. I also knew that before that, she had been one of the students who had gone to spookane on a reckless and misguided strigoi hunt, one that had caused a student's death and forced Rose to make her first kills. Looking at her, I saw her placing a blanket over Rose's shaking shoulders on the plane. I also saw the determination that had blazed in her eyes when she had broken away from Tasha.

Problem was, I also saw another image. Rose, standing in the doorway of her dorm room at Saint Vladimir's, eyes red and cheeks streaked with trails of salt. My Rose, the strongest person I knew, who so rarely cried, had been broken by this little girl's viciousness. I wasn't sure if I could forgive her for it.

"Miss Rinaldi." I greeted her. Polite and neutral. When in doubt, fall back on protocol.

"Guardian Belikov." She replied in the same tone. She eyed me warily. I wondered if she sensed my hostility. It was hard to tell. Almost everyone still eyed me warily. "I'm looking for Christian. Is he here?"

Before I could speak, I heard the bedroom door open behind me. I turned to see Christian walking towards us. His eyes were alert, hair neat, black cotton shirt crisp. He clearly hadn't just woken up. How long had he been sitting in that room, avoiding me?

"Hey Mia, come on in."

I stood back to allow the girl to walk past me. She wandered into the open space, eyes taking in the lavish decor. She whistled.

"Well, you certainly did well for yourself, Ozera."

Christian chuckled. "This is nothing. Have you seen Lissa's rooms?"

Mia shook her head. "Not all of us are regular visitors to the queen's bed." She teased.

"She doesn't actually sleep in the bed." He told her. "She says it would be way too weird, sleeping where Queen Tatiana was murdered. It's not actually the same bed, of course. They apparently changed all the furniture. But it's still weird."

"It would be" Mia shuddered delicately. "So what's she doing, sleeping on a sofa?"

"It's a chaise lounge, actually."

Mia laughed.

"So what's up? I'm sure you didn't drop by to discuss Lissa's sleeping arrangements."

"Nope. I dropped by to invite you to a party" she reached into a jeans pocket and pulled out a stiff white card. "It's in an hour at the Ivashkov's. Lady Ivashkov's throwing it. Sort of a 'my husband is the new prince of the family, so bow down and worship me' thing, according to Adrian. She's making him go, and he needs us there for moral support."

Christian took the invite and studied it. "I don't know. The last party Adrian invited us to kinda sucked. We don't have to wear masks to this thing too, do we?"

Masks? When had they been to a party wearing masks? I suddenly remembered the time Rose had visited me in my cell. It had been the first time I had seen her since the change. Her mere presence had been so overwhelming, so intoxicating, that my dazed mind hadn't been able to truly comprehend her appearance. Merely looking at her face had been almost more than I could handle. I had barely been able to drink in the sight of her and file it away for later. I saw her now, standing on the other side of the bars in an elegant maroon dress with cap sleeves and a pair of black satin heels, her hair hanging soft and lovely around her. A glittering golden mask hung from one hand. Had she just come from a masquerade? Had she gone with Adrian?

_It's none of your business! She wasn't with you then. You refused to see her. They were both free to do whatever they wanted. What she did with Adrian was between them and had nothing to do with you! _

I dragged my mind back to the present. Mia was talking

"...going through a really hard time at the moment. I'm worried about him. Come on, Eddie's going to be there, and Jill. If she can face that bunch of snobs, you can.

"You, calling other people snobs. Hypocritical much?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was the snobbiest snob in all of snobville and I'm sorry for everything. Will you come to the party now?"

That caused Christian to crack a smile. "All right, but I won't be staying late. Lissa's calling at six."

"Won't she be on a plane leaving Martris by then?" I had no idea how Mia knew the queen's itinerary, but I wasn't that surprised. She seemed to me to be the kind of person who could get her hands on all kinds of information.

"Yeah, she's calling from the plane. It's the only time she has to make personal calls."

Lissa was spending today in Martris, and then boarding a plane to New York before dawn to be at a meeting with the alchemists at midday. The airport that served Martris was several miles away from the city proper, outside the wards. The drive to the airport was one of the few times Lissa would be unwarded at night. Regardless of the fact that the new queen would be surrounded at all times by an army of guardians, Christian had made her promise she would contact him once she was safely in the air.

Mia left, happy with Christian's agreement. I was changing my mind about her. Sarcastic apology aside, she clearly wasn't the nasty little brat she used to be. Her crimes against Rose where nothing compared to the horrors I had committed. If I could forgive myself, surely I could forgive this girl of her petty cruelty. With an internal sigh, I committed myself to being nicer to her next time I saw her.

While Christian showered and readied himself for the party, I went back to my book. It was one of my favourites, a classic, one I'd read several times before. I'd made it through another chapter by the time Christian appeared in neat black slacks and a black silk shirt. I was beginning to wonder if he owned any clothes that weren't black.

The party was in full swing when we arrived. Royals and other important moroi stood around in tailored suits and cocktail dresses, mingling and laughing. A string quartet was set up in one corner, and servants circled with silver trays of champagne and delicate canapés. The walls were lined with the party guest's guardians, all in their best black and white. They stood straight and ready, eyes staring straight ahead without looking at anything in particular. It had never occurred to me how ridiculously unnecessary we all looked when moroi got together in large numbers. Out in the world, lower class moroi lived their entire lives unprotected, and here we were, standing around like a troupe of well trained penguins.

Working to keep my irritation off my face, I found an empty space on the wall. It made me feel a tiny bit better that I wore my old duster rather than the neat black guardian jacket.

Or maybe not. Being dressed differently from the guardians around me meant I kept being noticed. The guests were bad enough. Many moroi didn't actually understand much about strigoi. Although they knew enough to be afraid, most of them had never seen one. They couldn't comprehend the cold, ruthless menace that a strigoi _was_. Without that, they weren't as afraid as they should have been. They stared at me with nothing more than open curiosity and awe. I was a novelty, the man who was once a monster.

With the other guardians, though, it was so much worse. Because they did understand. The guardian world was one of strict discipline and constant vigilance, with a strong, clearly defined sense of good and evil. They all knew exactly what a strigoi was, and most of us don't believe in miracles. Most eyed me with suspicion, even hostility. Only a few offered me nods of acceptance. The few who truly believed.

I stood, staring blankly into space. I was slowly getting used to this, but the distrust I saw in the eyes of those I considered brothers still hurt.

"Hey Dimitri." Said a familiar voice.

I focused my eyes on the person greeting me. Young Eddie. His appearance surprised me. Eddie had always struck me as a focused young novice, totally dedicated to his beliefs in duty, loyalty and honour. I would have expected him to be dressed in his uniform, neatly groomed, standing against the wall like the rest of us. A model guardian. Instead, he was in dress jeans and a shirt, with a full glass in one hand, looking noticeably out of his depth and out of place.

He noticed me eyeing the drink and shrugged, seeming slightly embarrassed.

"I'm not on duty. I'm a guest, actually. Got one of the fancy little invites and everything. I kind of wish I hadn't come, though." He glanced around. "I'm fairly sure I'm the only dhampir who got an invite. Everyone keeps looking at me like I'm the computer nerd who crashed the cool kid's party."

I laughed. I liked Eddie.

He leaned against the wall next to me. It seemed that on duty or off duty, a guardian was always a wall-flower.

"Rose was always really good at this. It didn't matter if the party was all moroi or all dhampir, or a mix up. She just walks around like she has every right to be there and is somehow the life of the party, every single time. I have no idea how she does it."

I smiled. "Rose somehow manages something impossible every second day. It's second nature to her. No one has any idea how she does it."

A movement across the room caught my eye. Several guardians were engaged in a tense conversation near the door. Another stood by them, on a cell phone, his face anxious. As I watched, he lowered the phone, spoke to the others quickly, and the group of them left the room.

"You really love her, don't you?"

I looked at him again. He was eyeing me closely.

"Yes. I love her."

He nodded. "Good. I wasn't sure, at first. You were her mentor, and you're older than us.

Ever since Spokane, when we lost maze..."

"You worry about her"

"She's saved my arse so many times now I kinda owe it to her to look out for her. And she's so completely devoted to you. When she asked me to help her out with her thing in Vegas, I agreed because I knew no matter how crazy the plan was, she had to have a good reason. Even Rose wouldn't sacrifice her whole future just for thrills." I recognised the vague reference. Neither Rose nor Lissa had ever explained just how they had managed to break into a high security prison and spring a maximum security inmate, but I had known Eddie had helped. "When I found out exactly what she was after, I was actually a bit pissed off. I thought she was chasing a pipe dream. And when she didn't kill you in the casino, when I realised _why _she was risking everything, and what she was prepared to sacrifice, that was the first time I ever really questioned her sanity. Yet here you stand. She did it."

The door opened and a young dhampir entered, a girl several years younger than Eddie. A novice. They were sometimes used as messengers around court when they weren't at their respective schools. This girl's face was pale and frightened, but she moved with purpose. She circled the room quickly, speaking to several senior guardians, all of whom immediately left the room. She followed them out. What was going on?

"I just wanted to make sure you knew what she did for you. And that you weren't, you know, just taking advantage of her." Eddies face was pink by the end.

I smiled. I was immensely glad that Rose had Eddie in her life. He was like a brother to her. Someone who would always look out for her. "You don't need to worry, Eddie." I told him.

"Excuse me, guardian Belikov?"

I turned from Eddie to see the messenger girl standing before me.

"You're needed in the guardian building." She said quickly, before she turned away and walked quickly over to speak to another guardian, standing by the musicians.

"I'm on duty..." I said, looking over at Christian. He was immersed in conversation with Jillian and Mia.

"Don't worry." Said Eddie. "I won't let anything happen to him"

That was enough for me. I thanked him and left.

I could see the barest hint of light on the horizon as I hurried towards the guardian building. All around me I could see signs that something was wrong. A large moroi apartment block that usually had a permanent guardian posted at the door was unguarded. One of the royal guards passed me, going in the other direction, talking rapidly into the mike attached to his earpiece. Almost every guardian I saw was fully armed, something almost unheard of at court. My blood ran cold, the pit of my stomach twisting. Something, somewhere, was very very wrong.

I arrived at the guardian building just as someone else was leaving it. Someone I was immensely glad to see.

"Hans, what's happened?"

Hans looked at me. His face was tense.

"We got word ten minutes ago. The queen's convoy was attacked by a legion of strigoi. Were not even sure how many. At least twenty."

I froze. My heart contracted in my chest. _No no no..._

"The queen?"

"Safe. Being heli-lifted here as we speak."

"What about Rose?" _Let her be with Lissa. Please god, let her be safe._

Hans shook his head.

"We don't know. We lost at least five. I have no idea who."

_No. Not my Roza. No no no no..._


	7. Chapter 7 Incoming

**Sorry to take so long guys. Work is mad right now, I'm doing twelve hour days every day, sometimes more. I'll try to have the next chapter up a bit sooner, but I barely have time to eat and sleep as it is. **

Chapter 7

Incoming

The entire court was under lockdown. The wards had been re-enforced, and the sentries on the edges of the city had been doubled. All the streets were cleared. An attack on the queen, home or away, constituted a major threat to moroi society, especially coming so soon after Tatiana's murder and the attempted shooting of Vasilisa. Even in the light of the rising sun, with no realistic risk of a strigoi attack, everyone was on high alert

The incident room in the guardian building was a hive of activity. All the numbers were in. Thirty guardians had been with the queen and council members. Prince Lucian Drozdov had died in the attack. The rest were divided between the two Mi-17 military transport helicopters that were now twenty minutes away. With them were eight of the surviving guardians. Reports had come in from Martris. Officials had recovered Prince Lucian's dead body, along with five dead guardians and almost two dozen strigoi corpses. Fourteen surviving guardians were with them.

That left three. Three guardians unaccounted for, and five dead. I knew none of their identities.

And still, no one knew exactly where Rose was.

I don't think I had ever known time to move so slowly. The minutes had stretched out like hours, and the hours had passed like years. And every second had been agonising. All around me, guardians were busy assessing security, planning patrols and organising a city which was suddenly under martial law. With queen and council all absent, it was up to the guardians to keep the peace. By now, the news had spread to all corners of the court. With the way the moroi were prone to panic, we had had to move fast to prevent anarchy.

I was non-essential. By rights I shouldn't even be here. But I couldn't leave. Not without knowing.

An alert on the screen indicated in incoming call from one of the helicopters. I stood as Hans took the call, switching it to speaker.

"_This is the Orion, hailing the royal court. Come in, royal court." _

"Receiving you, Orion."

"_We are making our final approach. We have three injured guardians on board in need of medical attention. Requesting permission to land immediately on arrival."_

"Permission granted, Orion. We'll have a medical team standing by. Do you have the queen onboard?"

"_Negative. Queen Vasilisa is aboard the Sirius."_

Hans flipped a switch on the board.

"This is the royal court hailing the Sirius. Come in, Sirius."

"_This is the Sirius. I'm receiving you."_

"Sirius, we've been told you have her majesty on board. Please confirm."

"_Affirmative_"

"Do you have anyone in need of medical attention?"

"_Negative. We did, but... now we don't. I don't know how to explain it."_

I recognised the sound of awe in the pilot's voice. Lissa had been working her miracles again.

Hans understood too. He wrapped up the radio conversation and looked at me. "It's a shame there aren't more spirit users around. Can you imagine a couple of them posted at every hospital? They could save hundreds of lives. Thousands."

I nodded distractedly. Three injured guardians on board the Orion. Was Rose one of them? Was she on the Sirius with Lissa? Was she one of the survivors still in Martris? Please, please, please let it be one of those three options.

I fiddled with the bandages on my left arm. Thanks to my half-vampiric blood, the burns were healing quickly. They barely hurt anymore. I unwound the bandage on my hand and wrist to examine the damage. The dead skin was flaking off, and the shiny new skin underneath was dark pink and very tight. One small patch on the back of my wrist was still weeping. I wondered distantly if it was going to scar. Removing the rest of that bandage, I flexed my arm experimentally. It felt stiff, and the taunt skin pulled strangely, but it was useable.

"Sir. Casualty and survivor reports from Martris."

This got my attention. Hans took the clipboard and scanned the names. His eyes darkened with sadness. I moved to stand behind him, looking over his shoulder. I scanned the fourteen names on the survivor list, but didn't see Rose. The casualties list was much shorter, Only Lucian Drozdov and five guardians. My eyes caught on Uri and Joseph, both of them Lissa's guardians. The other three were guardians attached to council members. None of the names was Rosemarie Hathaway.

_She must be on one of the helicopters._ I thought to myself. Perhaps if I believed it hard enough, I could will it to be true._ She's on a helicopter, and she'll be here in a few minutes. She has to be. _My mind couldn't even process the only other possibility. That couldn't happen to my Roza. I had only just got her back. The world couldn't do that to us.

Hans dropped the clipboard onto the desk in front of him and addressed the room.

"Ok people. We have an ETA on the Queen's chopper. Ten minutes, on the lawn of the church grounds. I want a medical team and all necessary personnel there in five. Let's move it!"

I was one of the first guardians out the room. Rose was coming. I would see her in a matter of minutes. Rose was coming. The thought was a lifeline, as necessary to my survival as my own heartbeat. Rose was coming. I hurried through the corridor and into the reception area, towards the main doors. I stopped short at what I saw.

Adrian was leaning over the reception desk, talking quietly to the guardian on duty. Christian and Eddie stood behind him. As guardians moved around me to the doors, the three of them looked up. Christian rushed towards me, a desperately worried look on his face.

"Dimitri! What's happening? Is Lissa here yet? Is she hurt? No-one will tell us anything!" he was practically shouting.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him to one side, allowing the others to move past us out of the building. "What do you think you're doing?" I asked him angrily. I was thoroughly irritated for several different reasons. Firstly Christian had left the safety of the Ivashkov place, a relative garrison when one considered the amount of guardians who were still there, watching over the party guests. Then Adrian had obviously used compulsion on the guardian behind the desk and god knows how many others they had met along the way. Thirdly, every minute I spent here talking to him was another minute I wasn't heading to the church lawn.

"What I'm doing, or trying to do, is find out about Lissa! All the guards at the party would tell us was that there was an attack on her but she's alive and on her way back here. Please, tell me you know more than that!" there was naked desperation in his face and voice. Aside from that terrible day in his childhood, I had never seen Christian so unmasked, and I had never seen him so afraid. Even in the battle at St Vladimir's when I had watched him, an untrained teenage moroi, fighting an army of strigoi, he had shown only focus and determination. He had thrown himself into the mêlée with a bravery that would put some guardians to shame, risking his life without hesitation. But now it was Lissa's life that was at risk rather than his own, and he was terrified. His fear for her matched the fear I felt for Roza.

It seemed fairly pointless for us both to be in agony.

"She's fine." I told him. "Safe and well. Her helicopter will be arriving any minute. Were on our way there now."

Relief and gratitude eased some of the fear in his eyes. "Why didn't you say so? Let's go!" he turned and headed in the same direction as the guardians who had passed us. I followed him, and heard Eddie and Adrian fall into step behind me.

"What happened?" Eddie asked as we half walked, half ran to the lawns. I quickly told them what little I knew of the attack. It had taken place as Lissa and the council members had arrived at the airport, right before they had been due to board the plane. The strigoi had been organized. Twenty-five of them had attacked the royal party, while another ten had attacked the plane itself, disabling it. The helicopters had been standing by, and had swooped in to save the queen and the other royals immediately, but with their limited capacities, many of the guardians had been left behind. Only the quickly approaching dawn had prevented a massacre.

"What about Rose?" asked Eddie. "Is she all right?" Adrian was struggling to keep up. His chain smoking and decadent lifestyle didn't mix with even this light exercise.

"I don't know. No one knows where she is."

Eddie frowned, his face worried.

We arrived at the church lawns, the largest open space in the city, just as the first helicopter arrived. I had been around helicopters before, and it never ceased to amaze me how loud and powerful they were. In the sky from a distance they resembled large insects. This helicopter wasn't in the distance. It was barely twenty metres above the ground, its propeller blades whirling invisibly fast and the thunderous sound beating down on us. The wind churned and buffeted around us as the huge black machine started to sink towards the meticulously manicured grass. Seeing Hans, I went to him and taped his shoulder to get his attention.

"IS THAT LISSA?" I shouted over the noise.

Hans shook his head. His chin length hair danced around his head in the gale. "SHE'S ON HER WAY" He pointed past the helicopter, to the east. I looked, squinting against the still rising sun, and saw another large, black shape rapidly approaching. The Sirius, I realized, making the one just touching down the Orion.

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?" Hans asked, noticing the moroi. I mentally cursed. My mind was so consumed with worry over Rose that I had forgotten this was supposed to be necessary personnel only. Even I wasn't technically supposed to be here. I glanced at Christian. His eyes were fixed on the incoming helicopter, his entire body leaning towards it, as if Lissa's imminent arrival had some kind of magnetic pull on him. I knew he wouldn't be able to stand being sent away. I wracked my brain for an excuse to keep him here. Then, as my glance took in Adrian, I had it.

"MEDICAL TEAM" I shouted, sweeping my arm to encompass Christian, Adrian and Eddie, making it clear they were together. Hans knew what Adrian was capable of. There was no way he would pass up having a spirit healer on hand with three injured guardians arriving.

He still hesitated, just for a second, before nodding and heading towards the still thundering helicopter. We followed, running half crouched with our arms over our heads to protect our eyes from the gale force wind. The council members were being helped down, six of them, looking dishevelled and frightened. Guardians took them by the arms and began to pull them away from the Orion, out of the way. I couldn't see Rose anywhere. I could see the injured guardians, two men being unloaded on compact stretchers and a young woman struggling to climb down with her arm in a sling. I recognised her. Serena. Reaching up, I grabbed her around the waist and lifted her easily down from the helicopter, placing her on her feet on the ground. She stumbled unsteadily, and grimaced as the movement jarred her injured arm. The rotors were beginning to slow, the whine of the blades slicing through the air slowly sinking down through the octaves, but any conversation directly under the spinning propellers was still impossible. Putting one arm around her, I supported her as I lead her away.

"DO YOU KNOW WHERE ROSE IS?" I asked her in a shout as soon as we were far enough away for her to hear me.

"WITH THE QUEEN, I THINK" she yelled. "WE GOT SEPERATED. WE WERE RUNNING HER TOWARDS THE OTHER CHOPPER. A STRIGOI GARBBED ME. I DIDN'T SEE THEM AFTER THAT"

The noise, which had been dropping, rose to deafening volume again as the Sirius touched down. Seeing a moroi in green paramedic overalls, I passed Serena off to him and headed towards it. In leading the girl away, I had gone in completely the wrong direction, and I now had to run a detour around the Orion to get to the Sirius. People where everywhere, yelling at each other to be heard over the noise. I passed Adrian, who was crouched over one of the injured men on the stretchers. Eddie stood behind him, watching in awe as Adrian worked.

People were spilling out of the Sirius when I arrived. Prince Ivashkov was yelling angrily at the guardian who was leading him away. I could hear his blustering voice, though not his words, even over the thundering sound. I looked around, trying to find Rose or Lissa in the chaos. A flash of silvery-gold caught my eye, and I saw Lissa being helped out of the helicopter by two guardians. Her dress was torn, and her hair, caught in the turbulent wind, danced around her like silver-gold fire. I started towards her meaning to ask about Rose, but someone pushed past me, and then Christian had Lissa in his arms and they were holding each other like neither of them would ever let go. Lissa buried her face into Christian's neck, sobbing, and Christian held her tighter still, stroking her untidy hair with one hand. I started towards them again. The noise was dropping as the rotors wound down. When I was four feet away, I heard the words Lissa was saying over and over.

Her words pierced through me, not like one knife but like a thousand knives, all rusty and jagged, twisting as the cut me apart. I staggered to a stop. _No! _My mind screamed in horror, desperately trying to reject the word. _Not Rose not Rose not Rose not Rose..._

Lissa, still clinging to Christian for support, was oblivious to my presence. "They took her!" she sobbed. "They took her! Oh Christian, they took her!"

...

**For all of you who now hate me, I'm sorry, but without this, I wouldn't have a plot. I'll update again as soon as I can. Please forgive me. **


	8. Chapter 8 Plans

Chapter 8

Plans.

_Rose. Rose. Rose. Rose. Rose. _

Her name beat in my mind, aching, like a throbbing pulse behind an infected wound. The rest of me was numb. I couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't _act_. I was locked in my own head with that one word, the most important word in the world. Her name.

The tiny part of me that was still connected to the rest of the world listened to the moroi argue. It was what they were good at, what they always did in times of crisis. And this was indeed a crisis. The election of their new queen and the restoration of order to moroi society had allowed them to begin to live under a false sense of security, one that had just been shattered. The strigoi were still out there, still attacking in numbers that were unprecedented. Strigoi had always been solitary hunters, sometimes gathering in temporary groups of three or four, and occasionally forming unstable covens of up to eight or so. But these groups had never lasted long. Strigoi lacked the loyalty and camaraderie that was required to make any large-scale cooperation work. They would inevitably turn on each other as their lust for power grew.

But now, even the force of thirty-five that had just attacked the queen wasn't that incredible. The final estimates for the attack on st Vladimir's had been more than sixty. _Sixty! _And it was happening so frequently. The Badica's and the Drozdove's hadn't been the first families attacked; they had just been the first time strigoi had made it through wards. Never before had strigoi used humans as anything more than meals. Never before had they turned moroi magic back on its wielders. Our world was entering a new age in the war against strigoi, one where all the old rules no longer applied.

And the moroi were terrified.

Not that you could guess that from watching Nathan Ivashkov right now. His fear had long since given way to anger. It was almost as if the entire purpose of this most recent attack was to personally insult him.

"It's outrageous!" he blustered, talking straight over top of whatever Ellis Badica had been starting to say. "They showed absolutely no fear of our guardians! The fight was completely one-sided, in their favour!"

"Oh, be quiet, Nathan" said Marie Conta tiredly. She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. "It doesn't help anything for you to keep repeating yourself. The guardians did well, under the circumstances."

"Did well?" scoffed Marcus Lazar. "Lucian is _dead_. That's three members of this council in as many weeks!"

Evette Ozera snorted. "Are you truly that upset, Marcus? Or are you just worried you'll be next?"

"How dare you!" shouted Marcus, but he was drowned out as the arguing swelled again in the rest of the room. The queen, council and a few dozen other elite moroi had assembled in one of the smaller courtrooms within an hour of the helicopters landing. Most of the council members were still in the dishevelled state they had arrived in. Vasilisa had managed to change out of her torn dress and straighten her hair, and she now sat in the throne-like chair on the raised dais, looking like she was about to collapse. She had contributed little to the pointless, repetitive arguing that swelled around her. Mostly she had stared blankly ahead of her, grief and exhaustion heavy on her face. Christian stood by her, holding her hand.

Ariana Szelsky had risen and was shouting in Marcus's face

"I can't believe you! You're actually blaming the guardians for being outnumbered. They just fought for us, killed for us, gave their _lives_ for us, and you're blaming them!"

"Of course I'm not blaming them." Said Marcus dismissively "I'm merely saying that Lucian's death is proof that their numbers were inadequate"

"Inadequate? We had thirty guardians with us today!"

"Well, obviously, we need more." Said Alexander Voda. He wasn't the most intelligent member of the council.

"There aren't any more!" Ellis Badica said, exasperated. "Unless you have an illegitimate family of dhampir children hidden away somewhere, all trained up and ready to go?"

The noise rose again as the outraged moroi tried to make themselves heard over each other. I closed my eyes, trying to block them out. It wasn't hard. Rose's name still pulsed in my heart, slowly tearing it apart. In my mind's eye, I held the image of the last time I had seen her. About to board the jet, her back to me, her hair had lit up like fire in the sunset. She had turned slowly, and her eyes had found mine. Her smiling face had been so full of love and life. She was so beautiful. She had raised her fingers to her smiling lips and kissed them, before tipping her hand towards and blowing over them, sending the kiss to me across the space between us in a final goodbye. _No, not final! _My mind cried desperately. _I will see her again. I will find her. I will save her. If I can come back, so can she. I can't lose her. I _won't _lose her. _

Lissa's voice dragged as much of my attention as was possible at the moment back to the real world. "I've told you before." She was saying, her voice steely. She was glaring at Nathan Ivashkov. "I will not support any proposal to force every dhampir to fight. If they choose to defend us, it must be of their own free will. Most of them already do. But even an army of unwilling protectors would be nothing more than fodder for the strigoi."

"I'm not talking about making the dhampir women become guardians, not this time." Nathan spoke condescendingly, as if he was talking to a child. Even with the despair that filled my mind and body, I found I still had room to feel indignation on Lissa's behalf. How dare he speak to her like that? She was his queen!

"I'm talking about prioritizing the guardians we already have." Nathan continued. The quarrelling around the room had quietened for a moment, and he had the attention of most of the assembled moroi. "We need to re-evaluate the way guardians are distributed. Strigoi have begun to specifically target the highest class of the moroi world. We cannot allow them to destabilize our society. We need a show of force around our leaders."

A moment of relative silence followed his words. It was fairly clear what he was implying. Glancing around, I saw that many of the royals were seriously considering his proposition. And then Christian stepped forward, disbelief and disgust heavy on his features.

"You're suggesting stripping all the non-royals of their guardians! You want to keep them all for yourselves!"

Nathan stood straighter, ignoring the accusatory tone in Christian's words. "I'm saying we use our available resources where their most needed."

"You're saying non-royals don't need guardians?" Christian looked outraged. "You think only royals deserve safety?"

"Of course not. Quite the opposite." Nathan scoffed, as if it was ridiculous for Christian to come to such a conclusion. "An increase in the protection of our ruling class will mean that places with a large population of royal moroi, places such as this court, will be better defended and become truly safe. Secure havens for all moroi who chose to live here." he was still using the same patronizing tone he had used with Lissa. Irritation swept through me again, and I wasn't the only one. I could see Christian becoming angrier by the second.

"And what about those who chose to live in the human world!" The boy asked, his voice filled with fury. "Do we abandon them?"

Nathan tossed his head dismissively. "Moroi who chose to expose themselves to danger and live separate to us may still do so if they wish, but we can no longer afford to spread our forces out and weaken our own defences."

Christian, never the most controlled, finally lost his temper. "You arrogant, fascist arsehole!" he yelled at Nathan. His hands, clenched into fists, burst into flames as he took an angry step towards the Ivashkov Prince. Nathan jumped back with a yelp. The room was in an uproar again.

I rose to my feet, but hesitated, undecided as to whether I planned to stop Christian or join him. Then I was beaten to it. Lissa had risen and had placed a small, white hand on Christians shoulder. Her touch was like a balm. The fire disappeared from his fists and some of the tension eased from his shoulders, though not much. He continued to glare at Nathan, his blue eyes like chips of ice.

Lissa had the room's attention. She addressed them before anyone else could speak. "My lords and ladies, members of the council. Now is not the time for such discussions. We are all tired and shaken. Any debates on these matters right now will be too heavily influenced by today's events. We cannot allow our fear to guide us. Our previous government made such mistakes, and it caused instability and unrest among our people. We will call an official meeting of the council in the next few days, where any ideas for our future may be presented and considered. Now please, goodnight."

It was a clear dismissal. Slowly, the moroi began to file out of the room. Soon the only people left were Lissa, Christian, Jillian, Abe, Eddie, Hans and myself. I hadn't even realized Eddie or Abe were here. Several royal guards, ones who had stayed behind during the ill-fated trip, lingered near the door. Lissa dismissed them too with a wave of her hand.

The door shut behind them, and a moment of heavy silence followed. Lissa returned to her chair and sat down heavily. She closed her eyes and leaned against the chairs high back. Exhaustion was etched heavily on her face.

Jillian broke the silence first. "What do we do now?" she asked.

Christian was beside Lissa again, taking her hand in his. "Right now we go to bed. Were all wiped out. Aside from everything else, it's nearly sunset. Lissa's right, we'll deal with the council another day."

Jill stood up. "No, I meant what do we do about Rose? They took her. We have to rescue her!"

Hans stepped forward. He spoke quietly. "There is little chance that she is still alive." His words were like razors through my insides. He looked at Jill, but spoke to the room in general. "I know you were all... close to her, but we have to face facts. By now she's either dead or she's one of them."

Lissa shook her head, her eyes still closed. Tears were leaking silently down her face. "They won't kill her. Not after the trouble they went to get her."

"What are you talking about, Liz?" Christian asked her gently. "They were trying to get you."

"No, they weren't." Lissa looked up at Christian, her soft green eyes filled with tears. "They wanted her. I heard them, shouting orders at each other. They knew who she was. 'Get Hathaway' they kept saying. 'Get the shadow-kissed one'"

"They knew she was a threat." Said Hans. "She probably has a reputation among them, considering how many she's killed. They wanted to take her out first so they could get to you"

Lissa shook her head again "No, that's not it!" she looked around at us. "They weren't interested in me. At one point, they could have gotten me, but they ignored me. They only wanted her. When they grabbed her, they said the Shadow wanted her."

A memory stirred in my mind, one of the many memories that I tried hard not to think about. _The shadow. No, it couldn't be..._

Christian gripped her hand. "That doesn't make any sense."

"You must have misunderstood, majesty." Said Hans, stepping towards her.

"No, I don't think she did." Someone said, their voice rough and raw. It wasn't until I saw everyone look at me that I realized the voice was mine.

Silence greeted my words. I didn't continue. This was something I hadn't spoken of yet. I had given Hans a report of all the permanent strigoi dwellings that I knew of, but I hadn't gone in to this. Lissa crossed the room to stand in front of me. Her jade eyes held mine, mirroring the same crushing pain that I felt. "Dimitri?" she asked me.

I took a shaky breath. "While I was... one of them. I heard things. Rumours. Whispers. There was talk of one who was organising the strigoi, uniting them. He was called the Shadow. He would make himself known to any of us who distinguished ourselves, particularly large covens of powerful fighters. I'm fairly sure that's why I was chosen to be changed, rather than just killed. No one ever told me directly, but Galina hinted at it a few times. She was trying to build a powerful coven, one that would get the Shadows attention. When I told her of Rose's potential-" I stopped, swallowing back words that were like bile on my tongue.

I had never spoken of what had happened between Rose and myself when I held her captive. The memories were too painful, too horrifying. To my knowledge, Lissa was the only one who knew everything. She knew what I had done to Rose, how I had weakened her, what I had tried to force on her.

Lissa hesitated, and then asked in a quiet, frightened voice "Do you think this...shadow wanted Rose for her potential?"

"I don't know." I whispered "I don't even know if the shadow is real, or just rumours. It's possible."

Hans spoke. "One strigoi, uniting all the others. Organising them. It sounds... impossible... but it would explain a lot. And if they had Hathaway as an ally..." he shook his head desolately as he contemplated it. "She would make a formidable strigoi. Almost impossible to defeat."

"Then we have to find her!" said Jillian, fear and urgency in her voice. "Lissa, you have to change her back!"

Christian's head snapped around. "It's much too dangerous!"

"What? No!" Lissa said, shocked. "Jill's right, I have to! How can I not? It's Rose! Besides, you're the one who helped me learn how to use a stake in the first place!"

"I didn't actually think you'd ever get the chance to do it! I was just trying to-" he cut himself off, flushing slightly. Lissa didn't notice.

"Just trying to what? Keep tabs on me?" she demanded. I wondered distantly what that was all about.

Hans interrupted before the bickering could become a fully fledged argument. "This is beside the point. Ozera's right, it's much too dangerous for you to go after her, your majesty. It was bad enough when we believed you were the last of the Dragomir line. Now you are our queen. There are some risks you cannot take."

The truth of his words hit Lissa like a slap in the face. A fresh wave of pain, sharp and piercing, swept across her features. She squeezed her eyes shut, and new tears rolled down her cheeks. "A queen must possess nothing." She whispered, so quietly that I only heard her because she was still standing only feet from me. Her shoulders dropped, and her head rolled forward in defeat. Christian crossed to her and gathered her into his arms. She leaned into him, hiding her face in his neck. She didn't openly sob this time, but somehow her silent grief was worse.

I tore my eyes away from them. The intimate love and support they shared was so clear, so obvious. The agony inside me intensified. I had that. I shared that same connection with Rose. And she had been ripped away from me.

Jillian was unaffected by the intimate moment. "If you can't heal her, then Adrian will!" she shouted. "Or Sonya. We can't just leave her like that, not when there's a way back! She wouldn't abandon any of us. Where is Adrian?"

"He's asleep." Said Eddie, speaking for the first time. "Healing those wounded guardians took a lot out of him. I had to practically carry him back to his place."

Lissa raised her head from Christians shoulder. "Even if he wanted to, Adrian wouldn't be able to do it. He's not strong enough in healing. I doubt he could even charm the stake."

"Sonya could!" said Jill desperately. "I saw her do all kinds of things when she was bringing me here!"

"Sonya and Mikhail left for Russia yesterday." said Abe. His face was expressionless, as it had been since the royals had left. He hadn't contributed to the arguing earlier, which is why I hadn't initially noticed him. "Rose told them about a spirit user who lives there, one who's bonded. Apparently they found a way to keep the insanity at bay."

Lissa nodded. "Oksana and mark, she told me about them."

I blinked, the names surprising me. I remembered them, the bonded pair who lived a few miles from where I had grown up. My mother made a living as something between a doctor, nurse and midwife, looking after the medical needs of those in Baia. Whenever something was beyond her skills, she would refer the patient to Oksana. Even though my memories of them were what first tipped me off to the bond between Rose and Lissa, I had never made the connection between the bond and the healing. Of course. Of _course_. Oksana was a spirit user too. Another time, I might have laughed at my own idiocy. Right now, though, nothing was very funny.

"Then we'll contact them, tell them to come back." Said Lissa. She turned from Christian to face Abe, I tiny glint of hope in her eyes. "Your connections can probably get to her faster than mine. Can you get a message through to her?"

Abe nodded. "They should be in Russia by now. I'll get them a private plane. I can probably have them back here in two days, tops. Then we can put a team together to go after Rose."

"Wait a minute." Said Hans. "Look, we don't even know where she is! Once they disappear, strigoi are impossible to find. Not if they don't want to be found."

"That's not true." I countered. The spark of hope that was in Lissa was now in me. Just I tiny, weak little point of light. But it gave me something to work towards, something to fight for. "Rose found me."

"She had somewhere to start." Said Eddie. "Mason told her you were in Russia. Rose could go anywhere. Anywhere in the whole world."

"So we hunt for her." Said Lissa. "I have connections now. Someone somewhere will know something. I can put the word out. Our entire world will be looking for her."

"Not just our world." Added Abe. "I have access to resources you wouldn't believe. Moroi, dhampir, alchemist, human, the works. Whatever she's become, Rose will still be Rose. She's no good at keeping a low profile. It will only be a matter of time before she gets noticed."

"There are strigoi I knew who keep an ear to the ground." I told them. "I built up enough of a reputation to earn their respect, or at least their fear. I can sound them out, so long as none of them have heard what happened to me." It was something I had hoped I wouldn't have to do again, but Rose was more important than any pain my actions would cause me.

"Ok." Said Lissa. The hope in her eyes had grown. She had latched on to the idea that it was possible to get her closest friend back, and used it to beat back her despair. "So first we get in touch with Sonya; have her return as soon as she can. Then we find Rose. And when we know more... we'll take it from there."

...

**I hope all this talking isn't too dull for everyone. There is some action coming up in the next few chapters, I promise. **

**For those who want it, I plan write a one-shot to accompany this story, describing the airport battle from either RPOV or LPOV, as requested by kittenxxkisses. It might be a while in the making, I'm trying to focus on this story and not get sidetracked. I also have plans for a prequel, again from Dimitri, following his history from his school days up until meeting Rose in V.A. I wanted to put more of his past into this, but while it made for a cute chapter four, it's slowing down my plot too much. **

**I'll update again as soon as a can. **

**Love Annie!**


	9. Chapter 9 Failed

**I know this chapter has been a long time coming. I'm sorry. I can make all the excuses in the world for myself, insanity at work, busy lifestyle, whatever, but the truth is I mostly just couldn't get the end right and eventually gave up on it for a while. I'm still not thrilled with it, but enough is enough. For better or worse, here it is. I hope you guys didn't give up on me. **

A Debt To Repay

Chapter 9

Failed

_I burst out of the maze into open fields. There was no scent of Rose anywhere. She hadn't come out this way. With an angry snarl, I ran to my left, following the outer wall of the maze. I couldn't hear her crashing around in there anymore, so she must have come out another exit. I paused at the next gap in the hedge, casting around, but there was nothing. I kept moving, using my supernatural speed. I was struggling, today's battles had weakened me, but I was still faster than a lost, lonely little dhampir girl. _

_I found her trail at next entrance. Breathing deeply, inhaled the scent of her. The rich, meaty tang of dhampir, with just a trace of blood from some small scratch. I followed the trail, moving quickly over the open ground. As I reached the line of trees I heard her again, crashing on ahead of me. I followed the sound. She must be more injured than I thought, she wasn't moving as fast as I would have expected. Still, the fact that she had escaped at all was impressive. If I found it within myself to forgive her and awaken her, she would make an extraordinary ally. If not, then she would die tonight._

"_Rose" I called to her, just loud enough for her to hear me. "I swear it's not too late" She was mine. She was mine! if I couldn't have her, then so be it. No one would have her! I couldn't hear her anymore. She must have stopped running. I slowed my own pace so that I was gliding forward silently, still following the scent. Where was she? Somewhere, somewhere close. The scent was stronger. She's so close._

"_Roza." I called quietly. "I know your here." I crept forward, eyes scanning the undergrowth, her scent getting stronger. "you have no chance of running, no chance of hiding." Here, the scent was strongest here. Where was she? Behind the tree? "Roza..." _

_I heard the tiniest noise above me..._

_I didn't have a chance to look up before Rose landed on me._

_The impact knocked me to the ground. I sprawled on my back, rise above me. Allowing my instincts to take over, I bucked and shoved, trying to throw her off. My fatigue worked against me, and while Rose was not in peak condition either, she was not fresh from battling and killing a houseful of my kind. The gleaming stake scraped over my cheek, cutting me. The pain was shocking, burning. I snarled in agony. I saw fear flash in her eyes at the sound, but she didn't relent in her attack. Looking up at her now, I could see Rose as I knew she could be, deadly and glorious. She was an avenging angel, a warrior goddess. I knew in that moment that she was MINE! I would change her tonight._

"_You. Are. Amazing."_

_She didn't react, save to increase her efforts. With a sharp lunge, she managed to imbed the tip of the stake into my chest. I snarled in agony again, but my arm was already moving, I knocked her away, finally succeeding in throwing her off me in the process. Her body flew a few feet away, and she was immediately on her feet. This time, I was slower. The searing agony from the small wound in my chest was already fading, but it was enough to hamper me. _

_She fled as I stumbled to my feet. I staggered after her, but even limping, she was faster. My hand griped the fading wound. My strength was building again as it closed, but it was happening far slower than it should. My reserves were running low. I needed to end this soon, not just to change her, but to feed on her and replenish my waning strength. _

_I was gaining again. My eyes were fixed on her fleeing figure, getting closer and closer..._

"Rose! NO!"

Her name burst from me as I woke. I sprang up in the bed, raising the stake I kept near me while I slept, my mind disoriented and her scream still ringing in my ears. Rose was in trouble! She was _hurt_! She was being chased by... by me.

Slowly, the real world filtered in past my nightmare. Rose wasn't running through a forest in Siberia. She wasn't being chased by me. she...

She was gone.

I lay back in the cold, empty bed as the new nightmare, one that had been my constant reality for the past five days, washed over me. Rose had been taken. She had fallen in battle. I had lost her.

My eyes travelled around the simple guardroom. There wasn't any real need for me to be here, as Christian had yet to leave Lissa's side for more than a minute since her return to court, but I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping alone in the room I had shared with Rose. I knew the nightmares would be a thousand times more potent there.

My eyes touched on the letter on the side table. It had arrived two days ago, and even though I already had it memorized, my hand reached for it to read it again. I needed something, anything to distract me. My mother's elegant Cyrillic script was faded and illegible at the creases, due to the sheer number of times I had unfolded and refolded this single sheet of paper. It didn't matter. My mind still saw the words as if she had just written them.

Мой сын Дмитрий. It began. _My son Dimitri._

Я не знаю, если я пишу это письмо, чтобы мой сын, или что-то другое...

_...I don't know if I am writing this letter to my child, or to something else. I don't know if I should be writing this at all. A moroi woman named Sonya Karp has come to the house. She has told me of something not possible. She has told me of a miracle. Yeva swears that miss Karp speaks the truth, and that this moroi woman is a miracle herself, but for the first time in my life I find I cannot believe in the things my own mother has seen. It is not possible._

_Some months ago, another came to us. A younger woman, a guardian. Her name was Rose. She told us what had become of my son. She told us you had fallen, and the enemy and taken your soul rather than your life. Her words have ripped my heart and my spirit. Only those who have lost their children can understand the pain a mother feels when she stands at her child's funeral. It is a pain that makes the whole world dark. I pray to the saints every day that the pain will ease. No parent should ever have to feel pain like this._

_If you are my Dimitri, if you are my son returned, then please, write to me. tell me if this miracle is the truth. Tell me if the saints have answered me. I will know if it is you. By the words you use and by the way you shape them, I will know if you truly are my own child or if you are a demon with his skin. Until I see it in your own hand, I cannot allow myself to believe in stories that are so like dreams. If I give in to the hope, and it comes to nothing, I will be losing my son all over again. That is not something I think I can survive twice... _

... То есть не то, я думаю, что смогу выжить в два раза.

There was no signature.

Rather than distracting me, this letter had only managed to intensify the turmoil in my mind. I lay back and stared at the ceiling. Two days, and I had yet to write a reply. I couldn't. Each time I had tried, visions of my mother bent over her small writing desk had filled my vision. I could clearly imagine her as she wrote, hand trembling slightly, tears on her face. I had done that to her. I had given my mother that pain. And my own hand refused to shape the words that would ease the pain she felt. How could I? She was asking, begging, for the son she had lost. And I wasn't him anymore. I was a ghost of myself. My eyes roamed the ceiling, barely visible through the tears that were filling them. With my blurred vision, the ceiling seemed to be getting closer, like it was bowing down towards me. The walls, too, were creeping closer and closer with each passing second. Slowly closing in around me...

"Urgh!"

I jerked to my feet, frustrated. I needed a distraction. I desperately needed to still my mind, just for a moment. I dressed quickly and left the room.

The sun was hovering above the horizon. I walked through the small city, looking for anything I could find to take my mind out of the pit it had sunk into. It was early, and the grounds were quiet. The day-blooming flowers were closing their petals and drooping their heads, while the heads of the night flowers were just beginning to rise, ready to open themselves to the moon. I found myself on the lawns of the church, staring at what remained if the statue of the youngest queen ever to rule, aside from Lissa. The entire upper body of the queen had been blasted away by the C4 Abe had planted on it. Now just the lower part of her skirts remained, a thick near shapeless trunk of marble that stood half over again as tall as I was. The garden beneath it had been meticulously repaired, all the flora replaced, the low stone walls neat and perfect once again. At the base of the statue was a bench made of matching marble. On it, her eyes red and cheeks tearstained, sat Sonya Carp.

It seemed like everyone was crying these days.

Noticing me, she wiped her eyes and gave me a tiny smile. I tried to return it, but I have a feeling my attempted smile mangled on my face.

"Its nice to see you, Sonya." And it was. Sonya had agreed to try and restore Rose, once we found her. "What are you doing up this early?"

She gave a another small smile. "I couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same"

Sonya rose from the bench and came towards me, glancing back at the giant stump of marble that was once a magnificent statue. "I've heard there are plans to replace that with a statue of Rose"

I gasped "what? That's ridiculous. Rose is a dhampir! Whatever her record, the moroi wouldn't put up a statue of one of my kind."

Sonya rolled her eyes. "Even when Rose was a dhampir she was never an ordinary one. She's become a legend, more than shadow kissed Anna ever was. Eight people were lost in that attack, and Rose is the only name anyone knows.

I grew angry at that. Yes, Rose was the only name that truly mattered to me, but for the moroi to completely forget the other guardians was more than their usual shallow mindedness. It was callous. I glared a little as I spoke. "The other names where Uri Korsakova, Jack Samoset, Patrick Donavon, Ivan Tarsira-"

"Yes, yes" she interrupted me, dismissively. "You remember them, dhampir's remember them, but among the moroi? Listening to them, you could believe Rose was the only one who died."

Pain rippled through me again. "Rose didn't die!" I hissed at her.

"She isn't alive either." She said back smoothly.

"She will be, when you save her"

A strange expression crossed Sonya's face before she turned away sharply. The glimpse of it was brief, but I saw enough to understand. Guilt, fear, reluctance... . Fear griped my own heart. _No no no! Sonya was my only hope!_

"You..._are_ going to save her?"

She turned further away from me. "...I..."

I took a step closer. "You have to save her. You're going to save her, right?"

Sonya gave a tiny sob, splintering the icy shards of fear in my heart. She was crying again. "I... I can't..."

I grabbed her arm, spinning her towards me. Desperation leaked into my voice. "What do you mean you can't? You're a spirit user. The strongest spirit user alive, apart from Lissa. You're the only hope! You have to have her!"

Sonya was still looking down, refusing to face me. My desperation thickened, and began to turn to anger.

"You have to!" I shouted. "You owe her. You know what it's like to be one of those things; you understand what it means more than anyone else! It's because of her that we ever came to Paris. It's because of _her_ that you were changed back, that _either_ of us where! YOU CANT LEAVE HER LIKE THAT!"

With all of my attention focused on the trembling moroi woman, I didn't notice Mikhail's approach until he had slammed into me, shoving me to the ground. My training taking over, I recovered instantly, on my feet and sizing up my opponent. Standing directly in front of Sonya, Mikhail mirrored my ready stance.

"Back off!" He warned me, voice hard and angry. I ignored him, shouting at Sonya behind him.

"You can't abandon her! You owe her!"

"I'm not like you!" she shouted beck, finally finding her voice. "Or Rose, or Vasilisa. I'm not like any of you. I can't do the things you do." She stepped out from behind Mikhail.

"I'm scared! I've always been scared. Scared of everything. Scared of myself. Scared of the insanity I can feel getting closer every single day! Every time I use the magic it gets worse. Last time, it got so bad, I took the only way out I could think of. I took a feeder, and old man, and I drained him dry. I killed him." tears are running down her face. "I killed many people when I was a strigoi. Hundreds of them. But it wasn't really me. That was the monster I had become who was walking around with my face. But that first one, the one that changed me, that was me. _I _killed him. I did it deliberately." She paused, gasping a few times, her eyes squeezed shut. Then she opened them again and looked at me. "I can't ever let myself reach that point again. I can't use magic that big. I can't risk it. I'm scared that if I do, I might end up making the same decision.

Fury swelled within me. "You're a coward!" I hissed. "You took the coward's way out then. Lissa was a child then, young and frightened; she didn't know what was happening to her. You knew what she was. You knew, and you abandoned her." I stepped forward. "You abandoned Jillian when the guardians attacked the Mastrano house. And now you're abandoning Rose. You're a coward!"

Mikhail stepped between us again. "That's enough!"

Sonya was pale and shaking. She stared at me with wide eyes, tears streaming down her face. She knew I was right, just as I knew it didn't matter. She had made her decision. With a last glare at me, Mikhail wrapped his arms around her and led her away.

Stumbling forward, I collapsed onto the stone bench and buried my head in my hands. My last hope, shattered. My body trembled and my breath came in gasps as I fought against the sobs that threatened to completely consume me.

A voice dragged me from my despair, but didn't free me from it.

"Well, that was unexpected"

I looked up to se Adrian Ivashkov standing before me. Had he just watched me lose it and break down? How humiliating.

"Isn't it a bit early for you to be up?" I snapped at him with a glare.

"Not if you haven't been to sleep yet" he replied. I believed it too. I wouldn't have believed it possible, but Adrian looked worse than I did. There were rings under his eyes were deep purple. His hair was a disaster, his expensive clothes dishevelled. He reeked of clove, though surprisingly not of alcohol. He was playing with something silver, though I wasn't sure what, as my eyes were fixed on his, glaring. Seemingly oblivious to my foul mood or the waves of hostility that were rolling off me, he game and sat beside me on the bench. I was eerily reminded of the time in the hospital.

I was about to get to my feet and leave, when I noticed what the silver object in his hands was.

Adrian is playing with a stake.

It was a beautiful piece of equipment. Slightly more slim-lined than the standard guardian issue, the tip tapering to a deadly sharp point, the stake gleamed in the last light of the sun that was about to slip entirely below the horizon. Instead of the standard corrugated grip, this stake had a delicately worked pattern of leaves and roses, intricately detailed and perfectly balanced. It was one of the most elegant killing tools I had ever seen.

He noticed me staring at it. "I had it made for her. I kind of apology gift, as her old one is still in an evidence box somewhere. I was going to give it to her when she got back, but..." he rolled the stake between his hands.

"I've been trying. Ever since I heard, I've been trying. But I can't do it. I can feel the magic flowing into the stake, and it starts to work, I can _feel _it. And then... it just seems to fall apart. The magic dissolves." He closed his eyes. "Lissa was right. I cant do it. Carp was our only shot."

"I don't understand." I muttered. "She was willing when she arrived. She agreed."

"Things change, I guess. People get scared"

I stared at the red horizon left behind by the sun. My anger and desperation giving way to desolation. "Not that it matters, because we still have no idea where Rose is."

Adrian gave me an odd look, almost sympathetic. "Hasn't anyone told you?"

"Told me what?"

He hesitated, as if trying to decide how much to say.

"Rose was seen. Yesterday. In Siberia"

I practically choked "What! Siberia!" why there? Why on earth would Rose have gone there?

Adrian looked distinctly uncomfortable. An unusual look for him. "She was apparently recognised by some kid, who knew her from last time. She... she killed the spirit user there, Oksana, I think her name was."

**Okay, there will be more, sooner rather than later. I promise. Sorry again. And if by some chance you read this Kaii, sorry for killing Oksana**


End file.
